First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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