Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.

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(515): View more from Iowa

You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype

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(214): View more from Texas

No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix

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(313): View more from Michigan

Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(954): View more from Florida

I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.

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(785): View more from Kansas

one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight

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(716): View more from New York

I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am

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(919): View more from North Carolina

No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.

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