I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
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I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.