I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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