***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
