Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
