i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
