Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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