the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
