I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
