Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
