nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
