Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
