I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
