She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize