apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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