wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
