Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
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Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.