I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
