You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
