this boner is exhausting
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
