I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
