YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
