I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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