i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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