this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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