So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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