but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
