What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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