Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
