His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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