false alarm. still invincible.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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