her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Shame - the story of my life.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
