look no pants
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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