Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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