Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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