Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
