she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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