I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
