My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
