@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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