Me. At least after what I've been through.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
