I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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