see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
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i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize