I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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