that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
