what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
