Your tits are I can't wait for
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
