so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
