I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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