I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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