made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
