Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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