batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
