I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The air taste purple.
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