No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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