this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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