so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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