I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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