Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
