I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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